Not Exactly What I Had In Mind
by Mal's Left Eye
Summary: Allan's view of 2x10 plus extra bits. AllanWill. Warning: long internal monologues. MM


**---Nottingham Castle--- **

Allan paced around the inner courtyard, one of the few places where normality still reigned. It was empty, apart from him, and his footsteps echoed around the high stone walls as he walked, his mind in turmoil. Gargh! What was he doing?! He wanted to go back, of course he did, but why the hell had he gone and said those things to Will?

"_Mistakes!? You deliberately betrayed us!"_

"_Alright, strictly speaking that's true."_

Strictly speaking? _Strictly speaking!?_ Of course it was bloody true! Why the hell had he said it? But it wasn't that simple, was it? He hadn't- He didn't mean-

"Argh!" Allan's outbreak resonated round the courtyard as he threw both leather-gloved fists against the wall. He sighed, and rested his head against the cold stone. It hadn't seemed so bad, not like a real betrayal, and he'd never have sold them out, not really. But-

"_You're with Gisborne now, there's no coming back from that."_

Allan turned to press his back against the wall. Will's words cut deeper than any of the instruments Gisborne had used on him back when he'd first become a traitor. God, if anyone could make him question if it was worth it, it was Will. Why did Robin have to send him? And why had _he _been stupid enough to go talk to him?

He slid down to the floor, his resolve in tatters. He'd always known what he wanted, working with Gisborne was just another step to getting there. It didn't make sense that he should be feeling regret or guilt or whatever the hell this was. But he's said it, hadn't he. He loved the gang, and he did want to go back. He had friends there, he had-

Had. Yeah. That was right. Past tense. They all hated him now. Robin, Djaq, Will. Will. His best friend. In the face of that, the money meant nothing. But he was still here, in the castle, still betraying them with each second that passed.

Allan clenched his fists, the leather of his gloves squeaking softly as it was forced to contract. The sound roused him slightly. What was he doing? This wasn't where he wanted to be, playing lapdog to Gisborne. He ripped the gloves off, throwing them bodily away from him before sinking his head into his hands.

"If we weren't in a state of crisis I would punish you for such disrespectful treatment of your uniform" Allan's head whipped round to see Guy standing at the courtyard gate. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't heard him arrive. "I need you to go speak to Sir Jasper for me. Now!" He yelled, as Allan scrambled to his feet to obey.

"What for?" Allan asked, reluctantly stooping to pick up the gloves.

"He thinks I murdered the Sheriff" Guy stepped forwards, his voice dangerously soft "And I need you to convince him otherwise."

"Er, I'm not really sure I'm the right man for the job, here." Allan said, avoiding Guy's gaze.

"Just do it" Guy spat, shoving Allan's shoulder as he turned to leave.

**---Somewhere Else in Nottingham Castle--- **

Allan hurried along one of the castles many stone corridors. Sir Jasper had taken to marching through every inch of the inner keep, making him a very difficult man to find. Allan didn't mind too much, as long a Guy didn't find _him,_ he was free to return to his introspection.

He'd just begun to turn thoughts of Will over in his mind again when he caught the sound of footsteps and saw the edge of Sir Jaspers robe disappear round the corner at the end of the corridor. He quickened his pace until he was trotting along just behind the knight, who seemed entirely indifferent to his presence.

"Can I just have a word?" Allan said, slightly forcefully, after Sir Jasper continued to ignore him

"I assume you're talking to me" Jasper replied haughtily, as if Allan's very presence offended him. It took Allan a moment to make sure he didn't retort just as vehemently.

"Sorry sir Jasper, yeah, if you've got a moment"

"Go on."

They were still marching along the corridors, twisting and turning at Sir Jaspers leisure. Allan steeled himself for the job he had to do. Even for a compulsive liar, these words were bitter on the tongue.

"Well between you and me, Guy's not very good at talking himself up" He started, stalling as much as possible "And I want you to know we're doing everything we can here, even if he's not showing it."

"Good" Sir Jasper said, entirely uninterested.

"There's not a lot of men that'd do what Guy's doing right now." Allan continued, building up momentum with the lie, throwing himself into it "You should keep him in mind for other things, he could be very useful in another county."

"What, him and _you_?" Sir Jasper rounded on him, his fleshy face pushed close to Allan's own.

"Well, yeah, I suppose so." Even though he'd already betrayed Robin and the gang, those words made him feel more a Judas than ever.

"Its interesting, isn't it, when people realise they're going to die." Sir Jasper said, his voice oozing with sadistic glee. Allan felt physically repulsed. "Suddenly all this newfound loyalty creeps out of the woodwork."

"Well I wanna live, yeah." That wasn't a lie, but it wasn't Guy of Gisborne that he'd want saving him.

"Allan." As if just thinking of him had caused his appearance, Guy stalked round the corner of one of the castles myriad adjacent corridors. There was a menacing tone to his voice.

"Well you better find the sheriff then, hadn't you" Sir Jasper barked, loud enough for Guy to hear.

"I thought I gave you a job to do." Guy said, the malice in his words almost enough to pin Allan to the wall. He sought for a suitable reply. He'd been doing as Guy asked, but apparently his actions were meant to have seemed spontaneous.

"You did, I'm on it." He replied as he turned to leave, fighting back the urge to punch Guy in his weaseley face. He was getting sick of playing puppet to the leather clad bastard, snapping to attention at his every whim. He balled his hands into fists as he strode away from where Guy and Sir Jasper had begun conversing. The money, he needed the damn money. When King Richard came back he'd have nothing, he could hardly be blamed for-

No. Allan had to stop, clenching his fists even tighter. Even to him, his excuses sounded poor and whiney. He didn't have to justify himself to anyone.

"Allan!" Guy has clearly finished his discussion with Sir Jasper. Allan flexed his fingers, unable to tighten them any further as fists. He was beginning to loath that voice.

"The army is almost here" Guy put his hand on Allan's shoulder, tuning him round so they were facing each other "I need you to go and keep watch, and prepare to saddle my horse"

"Saddle your horse?" Allan replied, not quite understanding

"Yes, saddle my bloody horse!" Guy yelled "And don't you dare say you don't do saddling"

"No, I mean, why?" Allan asked, still confused. Guy gave him a murderous look "No, no, its just that, I mean, you'd be going somewhere, right? What about Nottingham? The army?"

"That's none of your business" Guy snarled, and with that he turned and stalked back up the corridor.

"And Allan" He called back over his shoulder "Make sure those peasants are armed"

**---Nottingham Castle Courtyard--- **

Allan couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt as he handed a longsword to a boy barely tall enough to hold it without it scraping along the ground. He patted the boys shoulder as he went to get the rest of his equipment , a pitiful gesture, but he didn't know what else to do. He had to distribute the rest of the swords.

The courtyard was busting with fervid life, more than Allan had ever seen, or heard it before. The air was thick with the sound of swords being sharpened and the acrid tang of metal. Though even above the yells of the guards, Allan heard a voice he recognised.

"Where's Marian?" It took Allan a moment to register what had been said, and he stepped towards his best friend without even thinking about it.

"Will." He said, pressing a sword into the other man hands, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Looks like we're going to be brothers in arms again after all." And at those words, Allan's heart soared. Was this forgiveness? Will was still looking at him humourlessly, but the city was about to be raised to the ground, Allan reasoned.

"Heh, not exactly what I had in mind" He replied, not letting his elation show. But unable to cope without the slightest bit of proof that his feelings were correct, Allan held out his hand.

_Go on!_ he thought, _Take it! Please, if nothing else good ever happens to me, Please just let him take my hand. _

As he felt Will's hand slip into his he knew this was a good day to die. He smiled, then walked on, pushing his body momentarily against Will's for one final piece of contact.

Heading for the for the Castle stables, Allan turned over the prospect of redemption in his mind. Could he just return to the gang now? Saunter into the forest and be welcomed with open arms? Or perhaps he should stay here, act as a spy like Marian. Then Marian could go back to Robin, and that'd surely be enough to earn his return.

Allan entered the stables, now deserted as all the guards were either out searching for the sheriff or calling all able-bodied men to arms. He lifted the saddle from the wall and slung it onto the horses back, which whinnied and shook its head.

"There, there," Allan said soothingly as he bucked the saddle on, "Looks like we're both Gisborne's tools" But the thought didn't bother him too much. With any luck he'd be free from this place soon, free to rejoin his friends. Free to rejoin Will.

Almost involuntarily, his hand curled into itself, fingers stroking the palm where moments ago Will's hand had been. The trust and faith that had passed between them in that single moment seemed to reverberate throughout Allan's entire body.

"Is it ready?" For the second time that day Guys voice cut like steel through the reverie. Allan spun round guiltily, not realising he'd been so deep in thought.

"Yeah, yeah." he replied as he quickly passed the bridle over the horses head.

"Good. I'm leaving" Guy stepped over to the horse and swung himself on

"Leaving?"

"I thought we'd established this." Guy growled, although his heart didn't seem to be in it, and he turned his horse towards the door

"Wait a minute!" Allan called out, hurrying after him "What about Marian!"

"What about her." Guy's voice was deadpan.

"Well, you love her, don't you" Allan said, trying to keep up with the horse. For a moment, Guy didn't answer.

"I do"

"But surely if you love her you'd want to be with her!" Allan pressed. He couldn't understand why Guy would be leaving the woman he loved, even if he himself knew hear heart belonged to another.

"She has chosen this path, there is nothing I can do." Guy snapped, in a tone that said any response would be futile.

"Yeah you can, go back, fight beside her!" Allan tried desperately as they neared the town gates.

"What would you know" Guy spat, leaning down from his horse "Who will you fight beside?" Without waiting for an answer he rode off to meet sir jasper, leaving Allan where he stood.

It didn't matter, though, the answer had formed in Allan's mind as soon as the question had been asked. Will. Will, his best friend, the one he loved more than anything, that's who he'd fight beside. Will was the one who-

Allan never got to finish that thought, though, as Guy was suddenly galloping back the way he'd come, closely followed by Sir Jaspers men.

Allan ran.

"They're coming!" He yelled, as he flew wildly back to the castle. "They're coming!"

All he knew was that that he had to find Will before he was cut down. With more strength than he knew he had he forced his legs to carry him to the castle doors, flinging the door aside as he gasped into the hall.

"Allan?" Will was standing in the front line of men, his sword at the ready, although it was lowering slightly with incredulity.

"Will!" He grabbed the younger mans arm and dragged him further back into the castle, along the same twisting passages he'd followed Sir Jasper down earlier, now empty.

"Allan, what the hell is going on? We need to go back and fight!"

"We can't! Not yet. I need to-" But Allan wasn't entirely sure what it was he needed to do. Will pulled at his arm, trying to return to the battle "No, wait Will, I've got to- I need to-"

"What, Allan?!" Will seemed irritated and not a little confused

"I love you" Allan managed, after a pause.

"What?" Will's expression was entirely unreadable

"I love you. I didn't know it ten minutes ago but now I do. We're gunna die, Will, We're gunna die and I wanted you to know I love you"

Allan looked at the man in front of him, the man he loved. He lifted a hand to Will's shell-shocked face and slowly lent in until their lips brushed lightly together

"Gisborne!"

The cry ripped through the air, shattering the fledgling utopia and the two men sprang apart. Will's eyes widened. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then shut it, turned, and ran.

_ Author's Note: Its 6:30 AM and I really should be asleep, not working on fic -.- but, here's my latest Allan/Will fic. I made it with the intention of developing it into episode 12/13 complaint. Just thought I'd get some damage control done before the shit hits. Hope you guys liked it, and if you did, please review :3_


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